i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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