Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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