That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
