I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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