I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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