just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
