My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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