My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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