I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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