everyone is single if you try hard enough
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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