I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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