There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
