the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
