I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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