i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
