adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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