i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
