So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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