i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you win again, gameday.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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