Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Jerry, you need to find god
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
