i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The uberlube is also flammable
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
