she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
