I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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