i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
