It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
