Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
