Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
