We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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