I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i permit you to call me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
