Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize