dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Randomize
