ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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