so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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