Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
