eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
