My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
