so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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