I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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