From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
