There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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