Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
