only if we run a train.
done.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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