I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
