wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
