I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
