So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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