i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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