i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
