grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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