I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
