I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
