It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize