I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
