in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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