dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
