Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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