Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
