We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
