This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
