So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
