Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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