you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
