some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
