I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
