I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
