I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
