I am in a vortex of obligation.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
