it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
