he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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