If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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